torn

Torn

I thought I saw a man brought to life

He was warm

He came around

And he was dignified

He showed me what it was to cry

Well you couldn't be that man I adored

You don't seem to know

Or seem to care

What your heart is for I don't know him anymore

There's nothin' where he used to lie

My conversation has run dry

That's what's going on

Nothings right

I'm torn

I'm all out of faith

This is how I feel

I'm cold and I am shamed

Lying naked on the floor

Illusion never changed

Into something real

I'm wide awake and

I can see the perfect sky is torn

You're a little late

I'm already torn

So I guess the fortune tellers right

I should have seen just what was there and not some holy light

But you crawled beneath my veins

And now, I don't care

I have no luck

I don't miss it all that much

There's just so many things

That I can't touch

I'm torn

There's nothin' where he used to lie

My inspiration has run dry

That's what's going on

Nothing's right I'm torn

yesterday was the PLTC orientation. it was ok, but a bit tiring. i have homework to do for monday. torture would start next week. *sigh* i guess i would have to bid an early goodbye to my summer vacation. seeing my friends again made me feel better. and the thought of having the training with them made me feel loads better.

im now reading the book that i borrowed from charlene yesterday. it's entitled 'away laughing on a fast camel' or something like that. i think it's the fifth installment of louise rennison's books. the book is a real comedy.

im also currently addicted to kingdom hearts. i finally reached agrabah. hehe. so addicted...

Sometimes I think everything happens for a reason. Yet other times I think it silly and foolish to believe such a thing. I'm never quite sure which I'd prefer, a reason for the thing which boggles the mind (because it'll still boggle the mind) or no reason at all. Should I just adapt some kind of acceptance of the idea that things just "are the way they are"? As my life continues I expect to change my mind a hundred more times. I may never be sure of whether or not there's a reason or if things really just "are" but whatever it is, it is. I'm not going to dwell or analyze any further. I've done that for much to long.

Things will be whatever they will be, reason or no reason.

I wish things wouldn't end sometimes. I hold on to things longer than most. Endure more than most. Give my heart to people that I want to think deserve it. And I keep holding on, believing that one day, one day, I'll see my efforts were not in vain. . But I'm going to have to stop that. i have to stop being so careless with my heart. I've only got one after all.

i've recently been a magnet to some lonely souls. actually, just two lonely souls. don't get me wrong. im not complaining about these counsel work. but i'd rather help out people with real problems. not like one of these people..(no offense, sis)

one of them misses someone so much. too much as to the point of commiting suicide. but to think of it, that someone evidently doesn't treat her special. then she goes on brooding about her other friends. geesh. she broods about things that are not really worth her time.

there's another friend of mine. damn heartbroken.
message to him : there comes a time when you realize that it's time to move on. that there isn't any more coffee to drink, no more rivers to swim nor any more mountains to climb. but life doesn't officially end there. you know that, right? things change. sometimes change leaves someone else lost, like a ship abandoned at sea. but of course, lost people could find their way back. i believe that you could, too.

July

Fun to be with.

Secretive.

Difficult to fathom and to be understood.

Quiet unless excited or tensed.

Takes pride in oneself.

Easily consoled.

Honest.

Concerned about people's feelings.

Tactful.

Friendly.

Approachable.

Emotional temperamental and unpredictable.

Moody and easily hurt.

Witty and sparkly.

Not revengeful.

Forgiving but never forgets.

Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things.

Sensitive and forms impressions carefully.

Caring and loving.

Treats others equally.

Strong sense of sympathy.

Wary and sharp.

Judges people through observations.

Hardworking.

Loves to be alone.

Always broods about the past and old friends.

Likes to be quiet.

Homely person.

Waits for friends, never looks for friends

Not agressive unless provoked.

Loves to be loved.

Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

cool. how accurate is that?

*dont you understand? that everything i do, i do for you? anything that might be special in me.. is you..* -Great Expectations